Sunday, October 23, 2016

Love is Not Romance

Love is the action of fulfilling a commitment to benefit someone else unselfishly because of the commitment. 

Love is not a feeling. 

Love causes feelings. Love leads to feelings. But love is the expression of a commitment. 

As I write this, I have been married to the love of my life for almost 17 years. I love her. I am attracted to her. I am addicted to her. I am magnetized to her. She is who I want to spend my time with. Jaclyn is my favourite person on earth. I would like to think we are a little romantic too. I am so glad I chose to commit to loving Jaclyn for life.

When we were young... younger... and our relationship was an exciting friendship, I was so secretly (or not-so-secretly) entranced by her. I couldn't spend enough time with her. I just loved to look at my picture of her. I thought about her all the time! Everything I planned was a plan to be fulfilled with Jaclyn. It was so exciting. I was (still am btw) crazy about her. 

Our relationship grew into that type of cute movie-like romantic relationship that makes young girls say "awwwww" and watch for a Prince Charming to have the same. I wouldn't change or rewrite anything. I eventually married my high school sweetheart. 

Somebody (an idiot) told me when I got married - "well, it only gets worse from here." I can't actually express with "G" rated family blog tone and vocabulary how incredibly infuriated that comment made me. 

Realistically, most people probably think that or something like that comparing their current relationship to the excited romance that led to their marriage. A lot of people don't want to get married, thinking that the commitment will remove the excitement of the romance. 

Some fools seek the romance outside of their commitment, risking all to have with someone else what they could have already if they returned to an understanding of true love.

Love is not a feeling. If you think you feel love, you're wrong. And if you think you "just don't feel like you love" anymore you are wrong. You probably never committed your love. Or if you did, you didn't understand the commitment. In fact, if you have stopped to think that you're not "happy" with how you're relationship has gone and you're not feeling loved, you're completely in love with yourself, and what you want, and not giving your love unselfishly. You can fix the lack of feeling by giving love unselfishly like you used to, and you'll find the relationship revival you're looking for. :) 

You choose to love, and your giving brings the fulfilling joy of a loving relationship.

Many in this world today have no grasp of love because we are so trained to live for ourselves. 

A lot of people think the closeness of a romantic encounter is love. It's not. That person who shares a time of closeness with you doesn't love you. Love isn't temporary - it's permanent. 

Some think that love is when you get that desirous feeling, a yearning, deep in your stomach when you think about someone. You just "feel like you're in love". But that's not love, it's a desirous yearning. 

Finding something "lovely" to look at isn't love. Though my wife is incredibly attractive, and I am so attracted to her, that doesn't mean I love her. That means I'm attracted to her. 

Love goes beyond attraction, desire, and closeness. Love is unselfish action by giving of yourself forever to another no matter the response from them.

Love is expressed through giving and enjoyed by the enjoyment of the other experiencing the goodness given by your love. Love given selfishly isn't love, it's manipulation. 

When you trust and enjoy being with a person, and you decide to commit to give your love to that person it's not something accidental, or temporary. 

So many relationships are struggling today because of this misunderstanding of what love is.

What if my love for Jaclyn was based on desire? It would fade. It would come and go.

What if my love for Jaclyn was based on closeness? Would I never be close to another? Would we always be close? And would that mean we don't love when we are not close? 

What if she were to become ill or hurt and she was in a coma or lost her beauty physically, or her stability of mind? Shouldn't love overcome the removal of a relationship or its benefits? 

I desire the one I love. I am close to her. I am attracted to the one I love. But I love her if not. Love is not based on what I get from the relationship. Love is a commitment, a choice, and that choice lasts as long as the person it's given to.

Be careful who you love, or don't. But understand that when you put yourself on that sacrificial altar to give yourself away for them, that is a commitment meant for forever. 

Decide to love, give to feel it, and forgive to keep it.


  1. So well said . You are a beautiful example to others and your children


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